So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
