I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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