We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
