At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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