He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
