remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
