this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
