hell yes lets make some ravioli
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
