He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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