the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
