Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
