We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
