I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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