I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
