If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
