Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
