This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
