You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
