i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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