Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
