omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
