I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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