my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
whose ass print is on the piano?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
