Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I could fuck to npr.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
