I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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