What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
