Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
