party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
