Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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