her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I did not marry a roomba.
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