what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
