is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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