If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
