Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
