Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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