I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
