handjob tips. give me some.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
