Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
