he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
