Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
