Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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