Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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