she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
