So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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