So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
