i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
