I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
