Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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