new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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