Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
