Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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