worst night to have a conscience
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We talked him into tasing himself.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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