What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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