Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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