if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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