don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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