remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
