who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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