This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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