If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
