His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
