God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize