My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just had sex bonerless
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
