NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
