It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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