I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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