Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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