Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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