Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
