You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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