NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
