This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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