I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
